Writers are by nature solitary creatures. We live within the fantasies of our minds, making friends with imaginary people. Existing in a world you’ll never see. It is what makes us what we are. We are Gods inside our own worlds, worlds in which we can spend decades, alone and never lonely, because we are surrounded by the people inside of our minds.
It is our solitude, our separation from this world that allows us to create with utter abandon in the landscape of our mind. It is something we are applauded for, something we are encouraged to nurture so we can bring to life worlds that only exist inside of us. It is what makes us writers, uniquely capable of sculpting worlds.
And then you write your first book – or fortieth – and are ready to take that next step. A step back into the mortal world to share the fruits of your creation, this world that you have sacrificed a social life for, that you have breathed and dreamed for months or even years and you find this solitude and isolated life is your enemy.
All you want to do is share your story, introduce this world to your world. But how? You are a writer, not a performer, the limelight does not call to you. You want to share but how do you turn the spot light onto yourself when your entire life has been lived in the shadows of your dreams?
This is the question I ask myself. I’ve been writing for over thirty years. I’m a naturally shy person, more comfortable on the edges of a crowd then standing in the center ring. And yet…I need to step out of the shadows so I can give the final breath of life to my characters, to these stories that have consumed my waking and dreaming mind for decades.
How? How do I change the innate structure of my being so the world can read what I have written? How do I make you read my words when I’m afraid to look you in the eye?
And thus is the challenge of the writer…At least, this writer.
The world is burning. The world is burning. I say these words over and over again. They are the only words I can think. The only words that come to mind. The world is burning and still the violence spreads. A violence born of so much pain, decades, centuries worth of pain.
The world is burning. OUR world is burning. Brothers and sisters stand against the dark, protesting into the void, their voices never heard. Screaming, screaming to be heard.
Our world is burning…
Listen to them, listen to them. Why can’t you hear them?
Masked with silence, muted no matter how loud they scream.
The gag is ripped away and still they somehow can’t seem to hear the screams and so my world is burning. My sisters and brothers of the human race are screaming, bleeding, dying, demanding only humanity. Citizens and friends, tired of being silenced and forgotten scream. And the screaming turns to violence, to anger fueled by fear and centuries of enforced silence.
They are screaming. The world is burning. My world is burning. OUR World is burning.
My world is burning, my world is bleeding. Listen to them. Them…they…we…
Oh, my God am I tired of the “perfect” man in romance books. Ok. First off there are many – MANY – romance writers who do not fall into this trope and to them I say, “thank you”. But there are also MANY who willfully embrace this “perfect” hero. There’s also the asshole, misogynistic hero that I hate as well. This hero came into popularity in the 70’s and 80’s and has NO place in modern romance or in the real world.
Secondly I would like to again point out I write romance and my heroes are pretty damned perfect in my eyes; as long as that perfect includes some physical imperfections, emotional scars -lots of emotional scars – and some personality flaws they have to work through. They are also not always the BEST at everything. It’s important for every writer, no matter what genre, to sculpt a character that is well rounded and real (even if they are angels, demons or Other). That means they will fail sometimes, the will piss off the heroine and sometimes the reader. They will make mistakes and overall not be an unrealistic He-Man without a single imperfection.
NOTE: a single manly scar does not count as an imperfection people!
Third: Now this is what I mean about the “perfect” hero and why it’s so annoying to me: He’s always an alpha male. ALWAYS. He’s never a strong Beta or anything else. He’s always the leader of his people, the prince, the king, the boss, the CEO. He’s always wealthy, successful and most of the times a spoiled dick who “knows what he wants”. He’s always the most desirable man to all women and his sexual prowess is never questioned and his confidence never shaken. He’s always freaking tall and a body builder without having made any effort. He’s always the smartest and strongest. And here’s where “perfect” turns into misogynist: he always takes that massive Confidence and bull dozes his way over our dainty “perfect”, virginal heroine. In many cases he pushes her into sex before she is ready because he’s the “experienced “ older lover and “knows what she wants” before she does. No buddy you don’t know what she wants, you basically guilted, bullied and raped an innocent woman. – Sorry, sorry, went on a tangent right then.
I’m so tired of that alpha male entitled bullshit in books, especially in the romance genre. And thankfully, I’m starting to see some writers who are discarding that stereotypical “perfect” guy for more realistic men. It’s still a mainstay in many genres across the board. You see it in movies and TV shows as well. I want to see real heroes – I know these are fantasy and therefore will always have an unreality to them – but I want to see real, flawed heroes that I WANT to fall in love with.
This doesn’t mean you can’t have a six foot plus gorgeous Demi-god for a hero. But mess him up a little. Give him some insecurities so we see that a lot of his bravado is from the very real and human emotion of doubt and uncertainty. Do you know why we love the “bad boy” in our fiction? Because he has room to evolve into a better being. You bring me Lucifer and show me just the hint of honor inside of him and I will root for him every day. Because it makes him real.
Two authors who I feel do a very good job of humanizing their heroes are Sherrilyn Kenyon and Suzanne Brockmann. Sherrilyn Kenyon always gives her heroes deep emotional traumas that they have to overcome by the end of their story. They evolve and smooth away those sharp edges. No matter how powerful or beautiful they are, they are imperfect and have to grow to reach their happy ever after. Suzanne Brockmann writes romantic military thrillers, about Navy SEALs and other branches of the military. Her heroes are the Alpha of the Alpha and yet she manages to humanize them. To give them flaws, to shake their confidence and evolve them.
I’m tired of cardboard cut outs of heroes that have hot bodies and money. Give me a real man. Throw some age on him, add some emotional scars. He doesn’t have to be stronger than everyone else, make him just fight harder for what he wants. Make him respect the heroine and earn his place in her heart. Please, give him a few flaws and an evolutionary story arc.
And fourth: my heroes are perfect to me. They are my fantasies, some of which I’d definitely do (wink wink). All of them I love. They have their flaws and imperfections and they are hot to me.
Mordecai is powerful, all brute strength and ferocious. He’s also annoyingly stubborn, and only physically beautiful to who AG who can look past the harshness of his features to the warmth in his eyes. He’s not the leader, but a good second in command. He’s strong enough to take what he wants but for AG he’ll ask. He loves dogs and dislikes humans.
Gideon is a little goodie-two-shoes, too obedient to authority and doesn’t always think for himself. He’s absolutely gorgeous but he lets his fear of failure keep him from what he really wants and from true happiness.
Shatter is a traumatized, wounded animal. Abandoned, abused, bringing him to happy ever after is a journey away.
Nomad is an asshole. He’s rude, crude and makes me swear a LOT when I write about him. He’s stubborn, opinionated and loyal as hell. He has no qualms about killing someone but will fight to protect what is his and for those he calls friend. He’s got a lot of rough edges he needs to polish away.
Errant is under six foot and a demon; Talis is in denial and afraid; Micah is suicidal and lost; L is spoiled and a bully, but also filled with love and longing to be accepted; Sham…well Sham is bat-shit crazy and that’s a lot to explain in a single sentence. My point is they are all imperfect and perfect. They are as real as I can make them.
And that is what I want to see. I want characters to be more than the hangers an adventure is draped over. I want to see hurt and anger, flaws and failure before they reach happy ever after. Until next time, L
I write romance. Proudly. Not something I could have said a few years ago and not worried what people think. The truth is the romance and fantasy genres of fiction is the red headed step child. Everyone loves to read us but no one likes to admit it. We’re anything but “literary” and considered the junkiest junk food. When you say you read or write romance it’s like confessing you watch soaps or Lifetime. It’s a guilty pleasure and not taken that serious by most. Just my luck I write romantic fantasy. Talk about double whammy.
But I digress. I mention my genre because there is something I can’t stand in a lot of fiction, doesn’t matter what genre, though romance is one of the worst culprits when it comes to this. It’s the “different from the other girls” or “she wasn’t like the other girls” heroine. Seriously does every freaking heroine have to be awkward and shy? Unaware of her natural beauty while having a killer body and model worthy looks? Does she have to like to “hang with the guys” and despise or at least not understand being pampered? Why can’t a heroine be cocky and bold, knowing she’s hot? Or ugly and not giving a f&@k? Why can’t she like having her nails and makeup done and pamper the shit out of herself? Why does that automatically make her less? The Romance genre could be feminist gold and yet I find it keeps circling around to the old tropes of how to make her attractive to men. So she can’t be emotional and high maintenance, she can’t be truly shy (to the point of agoraphobic) instead she coyly awkward but not really shy. Why can’t she be the dominant in the relationship or short or tall or fat or skinny? Why can’t she hate sports and hiking? And why can’t she go hiking with a full manicure and makeup on?
Believe me that last one isn’t unrealistic. I did a three day back country hike up the coast of California with a full set of acrylic nails. Not only was I feeling pretty they came in damned handy every time I had to open that damned bear canister. Don’t believe me? I’m including a picture of me camping with acrylic nails in all their pink glory. Oh, and fat girls can love hiking. I’m more than fluffy and I love hiking and camping. I also love food and facials and mud baths and I’m a big dork.
Me on Lost Coast in Northern California 2016 – fluffy with a full set of acrylic pink nails
My point is: make your heroines real. That means they can be a bitch when they are having their periods. They can NOT want to have kids. They cannot WAIT to have kids. They can want a career over anything else and still find love without giving everything up. It’s time to evolve our heroines and our heroes. Give your heroines some real traits, give your heroes some freaking flaws. And if you want a hot hero and hot heroine go for it, this is your fantasy, but give them depth of character too, make his teeth crooked or make him stink after Playing basketball, don’t have him just smell all manly and musky. Believe me, no matter how hot the dude, he gonna stink after sweating for a while. Fresh sweat isn’t bad, but let that sit after a few hours and your awkward little heroine is going to run for her life.
So write honestly and write passionately. Romance is alive and well and beautiful, but add some new angles to it.
Now before you read some of my work and call me out as a hypocrite let me say:
AG is ballsy and doesn’t take shit from anyone. She’s hot but doesn’t have any boobs to speak of and can be short tempered.
Faith is hot, but she’s also plump, with big boobs that do not lend themselves to grand adventures. She isn’t shy either. She’s sexually bold and asks for what she wants.
Becca is plain. But to Nomad she is astonishingly beautiful because he sees her soul. The rest of the world sees a shy, glasses wearing mouse because she really IS a shy glasses wearing mouse. She is scared of the dark, traumatized and doesn’t believe in herself. She has to learn to embrace her power. She’ll do that on her own with or without her Downcast Angel.
Ruth is over 40 with a full grown daughter; Haley is not just plump but downright fluffy; M is bold, demanding, bisexual and confident. They vary in temperament and in looks. To the world they may not appear unique or “special” but to their angels, demons or other, they are perfect. I believe in romance and happy ever after, but only if they put in the work. Which means he’s not perfect and she’s not perfect. Just like in real life – If real life had immortal angels, a few demons and an Other or two.
Writing a series is hard. And not just in the planning and maintaining continuity. Not just in the developing of characters and story arcs over multiple books. It’s hard in the day to day. But what I find very hard is not spilling my guts about each new story I’m working on.
I mean right now I’m working on book 4 of my ShadowGate series, yet I’m marketing book 1. So I can’t just go hey everyone guess what? And throw out all these details about the book I’m working on without giving away plot points for the three preceding books. Can you even imagine how frustrating that is? I want to tell the world all about this story I’m writing but I can’t because they have three books to go before I can say a damned thing!
Series are HARD!!!
I want to tell everyone about this story, I want to write articles about it and post in my blog but I can’t say a single word. Ok, yeah, sure I could be really vague and be like, “I’m writing a story about two persons and it’s in the ShadowGate world”, but that’s basically it. So frustrating! I’m just sitting at home screaming into a pillow because I want to give away ALL the spoilers.
And you know what’s even worse????? Knowing the whole f@$king history of my series and universe and not able to say a freaking word because I have to wait for it to be revealed in proper order!!! OMG I’m dying with all these spoilers!!!
At least once book 1, Angel’s Gate, is officially released I can start talking about book 2, Guardian Angel. True I can’t give away too many details, because again, have to wait for people to read it and it’s release date isn’t until end of 2021, but at least I’ll be able to release some of the Character Profiles and talk about the process.
But that means I won’t be able to give ANY details about book 3, Angel Child, until AFTER Guardian Angel is released and that means I’ll have to wait until 2023 to tell you ANYTHING about Cerviel and Micah!!!
UGH!!!!!
I just want to tell you everything! I want to tell you all about Shamshiel and Shatter and Talis and Cerviel and Micah and Nomad and Becca and Faith and Gideon and and and and….See there’s just so much I want to tell you!!!
But I’ll be good and wait. I’ll talk about Angel’s Gate, promote and wait for you to read it before we can talk about everyone else.
But….I can maybe say a little something right now, like just a tease right? Angel’s Gate is available for pre-sale RIGHT now, so you can read it and get all the details. Guardian Angel…want a little hint? You’ll meet Lucifer in this one.
And Angel Child? Take one angel love child, one Angelic Assassin, add lots of demons and you’ll get an interesting cross country road trip. What? Did you expect me to give away everything? Ok, I’ll give you one more taste:
“Now he was driving a stolen truck, praying his Grace would come back before something REALLY bad happened. Like maybe Armageddon or a plague of frogs or Starbucks ran out of Pumpkin Spice and the basic bitches of the world united in their outrage for the weirdest zombie apocalypse he could think of.
SPICE, PUMPKIN SPICE…he could just picture them in their sweaters and Uggs and yoga pants…
“Pumpkin spice?” Becca asked him abruptly, the confusion in her voice seeming to trump even her copious amounts of fear. “What the hell is a pumpkin spice zombie?”
Nomad nearly drove them off the road when he realized she’d just read his mind.” – Angel Child coming 2022
And now for the one I’m dying to tell you about….Sanctuary. All I’m going to say is it’s a love story. Sorry, I’m not saying anything else…
Not all villains are obvious. Sometimes they are inside us, lying in wait. Sometimes they hide right behind the eyes of the ones we love most.
To say I was innocent would not have been a lie, but to say I was blameless would be. By choice I trusted, by choice I let myself believe. By choice I am here, perhaps I was always meant to be. The villain did not lurk inside my soul, but I am the one who let her in.
She was supposed to love me, she was supposed to protect me. She did not. Now we stand, enemies when once we were sisters, enemies, my truth and duty against her hate. There will be no winner here this day, just an end to this endless war.
Line in the sand, the battle is at hand. I am prepared, with charms and shield to face my foe. When night falls, if I am still alive, the war will be done. Around my neck is an amulet of who I am today so I will remember as I face my past and the villain I have created.
I am a coward and so afraid, yet I faced the dragons that she unleashed on me. I trembled inside, wanted to weep and run, but held my ground. Truth is not a shield or a sword, but it is right and though I may not have won, my soul remains bright, remains mine. The battle is done, this coward stood her ground, spoke the truth and did not run. The final battle has been fought, I am done, but not broken, I stood and the dragons without anger, malice or hate. I faced them with truth and love and someday perhaps I will face her with forgiveness and not just pity.
The battle is done, the war is won, I am done and can set aside my shields to finally embrace peace.
In the beginning before the Universe, before Light, before Dark, before Life and before Death was the Source. In the great void of infinity the Source became restless and from itself, from all that was Darkness it created Ahiloban, goddess, darkness, divine. To serve her and to serve the Source the Elohim were created, twelve to govern the houses of the Universe yet unborn, to serve and to watch. For time beyond time all was as it should be. Ahiloban was beloved, child of the Source and she was content.
But in all things there must be balance and with an explosion of energy and Life and Light the Universe was born and with it, Shamshiel, child of the Source, the personification of all that was Light. He was the other half of Ahiloban but she did not embrace her brother. She envied him the Light, never understanding that without Darkness there could be no Light and without Light she could not exist. In her jealousy she stripped him of his powers because he was young, an innocent, an infant, and bound him. She hid him from the Source, diminishing him until all believed him nothing more than another Elohim, made to serve her, to serve the Source. The Source wept at his loss, but believed the lie of the first of it’s children. Safe in her lie Ahiloban wrapped the night, like a blanket of Darkness over the newborn Light and took him to her lover, the Elohim Ezrael to raise and control, never telling her what he was though she suspected for she was wise. But like her she feared this new being of immense powers and agreed to keep him hidden from the Source and from his true nature. Rid of him she was once more the only beloved of the Source. She was content to rule now over the entirety of Light and Dark.
Shamshiel was taken to the Court of the Watchers and there his powers were bound as he was placed in submission to Ezrael. But his powers were beyond all imaginings and in a moment of pure creation he created an entire world on which the elements of life were gifted. Frightened at the power this singular being could wield, Ezrael took him deep into the farthest reaches of the Universe, leaving the Earth, the world of his creation unguarded, uncared for. Ahiloban, curious if she too could create life took the elements of the Universe, the gifts within herself of the Source and created God, Yahweh, a creature of Life and Light. But in the moment of his creation, to the horror of Ahiloban another being came into existence, this one the embodiment of Darkness, of Death. It was Azazel, the Reaper, at whose hand even God would be mortal. Again Ahiloban did not understand that where there is Light there is Darkness, where there is Life there is Death, for these are the two sides, the Balance of Creation, the Balance that only the Source can fully understand.
Ahiloban was pleased with Yahweh, and took him to be her lover, gifting him the world that had been Shamshiel’s creation. Over this God would rule and together they spent millennia tending, watching and shaping the evolution of the life Shamshiel had birthed. The first lives were insignificant, boring and so God and Ahiloban came together and from their union they created Talis, a being of immense light and power and with him, his twin, Lucifer. Talis they called the Evening Star and Lucifer, the younger, the brightest, they called the MorningStar. These were the first of the angels, the first of all they would create. They were created to serve and worship. Again Darkness came with the Light and Ahiloban pushed forth not only the twins of Light, but one of Darkness, Errant, the first of the Daemos, into whom all sin and blame should dwell. He was given wings and bright fangs and in her disgust at the Darkness she could not escape, Ahiloban placed upon him the curse of evil and sin. And as Errant was birthed, a part of the Shadow dripped the heavens and fell to earth. There it formed the Serpent, a creature made from the vileness that Ahiloban had meant to place into Errant’s heart. From the earth the Serpent looked up and he coveted what his brothers had been given. And that envy grew into hate for those who had created him. He vowed with all the Darkness inside of him to one day kill his creators and take into himself all the power of Life and Creation.
The sons of God, of Ahiloban were given unto the Earth. Not to rule, but to serve. The twin stars were placed above the world, to serve and guide. Look up to these stars my children and see now shines only one. Too long has the brightest fallen, the night empty now with his loss. Alone his brother stands, steadfast against the Dark.
For another millions lifetimes Ahiloban and her consort amused themselves watching life begin on earth and by pitting their sons against one another. But as was His nature God became bored and from Ahiloban he pulled the essence of her powers and created beings of his own, those who would serve only him. They were rough in form and would take millennia to become what he wanted. But in those moments he seeded dissent and anger, he violated his creator and sowed the first seeds of her endless rage. On earth life flourished, growing, evolving at His will until a new creature began to walk the earth and caught His interest. With rapt attention He watched as hominids grew into humans and they pleased Him on their growth. But soon He became impatient with the pace of their evolution and He sent them down intelligence, gave them creative and clever minds.
Angry that God would take from her, create something without her Ahiloban created more creatures of her own, Behemoth and Leviathan, those creatures that were fated to bring the end of all things. She spun life with her anger, using shadow and shunning the light from which she was not formed and created other creatures, the demoness Lilith for her son Errant to love and to create life with, (name of Werewolf) the first werebeast, (name of dragon) the first of the Drakes and (name of faery) the first of the fey. From these creatures new races would grow, races that fed on God’s precious humans, the creatures she so dispised.
Fearing for the lives of his newest creation God took strength and life from Talis and from his drew out the very first of the Choirs of Angels, the Powers. These power and ruthless warriors he sent to earth to protect his creations from those Ahiloban had sent against them.
Furious that God would send these dark hunters after her children she sent a plague of ice to the world, believing it would kill off the life God had created against her will. Much of the planet died, but the earth that Shamshiel had created was magnificent and continued to evolve and on it life survived, the demonkind, the hominids, the children of Ahiloban and the animals that had evolved from the life given by Shamshiel. Life continued and growing bored once more God sent a new thread into his hominids and from them came the ancestors of modern man. Disgusted by his attentions to these humans, Ahiloban left her consort, going into the court of the watchers and there taking lovers among them. Alone in Heaven God studied the beings he had created with Ahiloban at his side and found he feared them, for they were powerful and could one day take from him the power he now coveted, the power he wanted to take from his creator. Fearing her, fearing the children they had made he stole from her sons the memory of who she was, taking from them the memories of their celestial mother and making them believe only HE was their creation. Lucifer and Errant easily forgot, but in Talis, as the first born, there was too much strength for him to forget, and more, God feared that one day his son would seek to take from him as he now sought to take from Ahiloban. Following his fear he pulled from Talis the rest of the Choirs, seeking to diminish him, to lessen his powers so that he would always remain loyal, always remain subservient to him.
Ahiloban returned to find that none of her sons remembered her, returned to find God had created an army of angels to serve him. In her anger she granted his humans freewill so he would learn what it was like to have a creation that did not obey, that did not serve. Looking down on all of thise the Source granted these creatures, these humans, the most precious of gifts, something that God could not control, that not even Ahiloban could claim, souls. They were given this great gift and placed on the Path to Enlightenment. And for them the Source created the Void and the Pit to help guide them on their place, to help teach them the lessons they would need to evolve past the flaws of their creators.
Over these creatures, now flawed, but now the more precious for their souls, God placed his angels. It was they who watched as life was born from the seeds God had planted long ago. It was they who watched as man took his first steps and spread across the globe. They watched and they served and God was pleased by all he had wrought. Beside him in heaven Ahiloban seethed, wanting her revenge. She began to have her fears that God sought more than just power of his creations and she created the TrueGuard, Daemos born of pure Illumination to help protect her from the Choirs of his Angels. The TrueGuard stood beside her throne and would protect her from any angelica assassin he might send to attack her.
Upon the earth the Serpent grew restless and urged on by Ahiloban found a young Daemos, Chaos the first born of Errant and Lilith, playing down among the humans. He quickly possessed him in a cloud of Shadow and Darkness and rode him up to heaven where Daemos played and lived among the Choirs. There he set about on his endeavor to destroy the one who gave him birth aided by the whispers of the goddess Ahiloban. The Serpent sought out the one known as Lucifer, curling up around him like a dank fog, possessing him, and whispered in his ear, “Why should the humans be so blessed? Why should their will be their own? Why should you, the first of God’s creations prostrate yourself before them?” With his words the Serpent planted the seeds of discontent and rebellion in the heart the brightest angel. Lucifer approached his God and begged for the same love given so easily, so freely to the humans who were born of nothing more than mud, while he and his kind were born from the stars and the breath of Ahiloban and God. Furious that Lucifer should question the laws he had branded into the Spirits of each of his angels God refused and in rage, fueled by the whipsers of the Serpent that possessed him, Lucifer rebelled against his God and many angels joined him.
Enraged God ordered Talis to destroy his brother and thus the First War began. Many angels died and in the middle of the conflict, though innocent of any deceit, the Daemos were murdered. Blood flowed through all of heaven as brother killed brother and sister murdered sister. At long last Talis defeated his brother, but as Lucifer lay at his feet, he could not make himself slay his twin. He would not do this, even though his God, his father had demanded it. He refused and God was sorely displeased with his disobedience and he struck down his very first creation and threw him into the Pit where he would be tortured and suffer for all eternity. God turned upon Lucifer and cast him and all of his followers out of heaven where they fell to earth in the shower fire.
The Morning Star fell because of a single lie. For a single whisper he was damned. It was but a single seed of rebellion that took root in the heart of him. It bloomed into war and blood flowed like water raining down upon the earth. The heavens wept while stars died. Angels turned from the will of God and were cast down, sent far from his glory to live no more in His Light.
Cast far from Heaven, Lucifer fell to Earth where he lay for nine days, suffering from the wounds his brother had given him and mourning the loss of his God and his home. Mourning the loss of his brother, knowing that his brother would be punished for his sins. When he could rise up once more he begged God for the freedom of his brother, but God would not heed his call. God looked upon His creations, angry that his Firsts had so fallen. Like a shadow they spread across the land and in his rage he cast all Darkness from the Heavens. Like a thorn he plucked out the Daemos and scattered them across the Earth. Cast down was Errant, first born from the Darkness, and all of his children. Into him all sin shall flow, in him all sin shall be found. His progeny shall overflow the earth and shall mingle with the children of men. Pity him all ye peoples, pity him for his birth. Pity him for redemption shall not be his, nor shall it be offered to those from him that were born.
In his rage God murdered the TrueGuard that served around Ahiloban’s throne because they reminded him of the sons he had lost. The last TrueGuard, a female, pregnant and afraid escaped from the Citadel with the help of the Virtue Vision, she escaped into the Verge, into the Lost Forest and there all believed she would die, alone. Enraged at God’s destruction of her TrueGuard Ahiloban left God to wander the earth in earthly form, many of God’s humans turned to her, began to worship her and so the DeaServus were formed to serve only her.
Then Shamshiel the Elohim, the Watcher of the Sun, took mercy upon Lucifer, took mercy upon Talis who had not been able to kill the brother that he loved. He freed Talis and set him back into the heavens though it cost him, as his master Ezrael was sorely displeased. For his actions Shamshiel was bound for 5,000 years in the heart the sun. Alone, in silence and in darkness, driven mad by his solitude.
Talis, released from the Pit, returned to humbly serve his God, scared to ever displease him again.
Ezrael saw how much horror the battle in the heavens had caused and she created the Gate, to which there would be only one Key. A Key in which she placed inside of herself. Through the Gate only the Pure angels, the ones who had obeyed their God, and only the souls of the humans as they followed the cycle of birth, death, rebirth, were able to pass.
Beneath the sun the Serpent crept, always looking heavenward, desperate to return and take his place upon the throne.
On earth the Serpent found his way back into heaven, in the heart of an honorable and righteous man, one that pleased God in his purity. The serpent possessed this man, this servent of God, Enoch, and when God granted Enoch a place in heaven as Metatron, the highest of his house, the very voice of God, the Serpent was the one given that honor.
Upon the earth the DownCast angels walked among man, taking unto them wives of the daughters of man. And to them were born the Nephlim and they became the heroes of old. Peace lay among the heavens and for time ruled the earth. (God fears the Nephilim because they are angels with Souls. God orders them to be murdered and Ahiloban sets up a way to steal them for her own use. Dark Nephilim do NOT have souls, but Light Nephilim do.)
In heaven, with Metatron whispering his lies, set on taking God’s throne and creation from him, God began to fear Ahiloban more, began to desire and covet her world and creations. He no longer wanted to share the glory of creation with her. With the help of his angels, with the help of the Elohim who had also begun to fear Ahiloban and her powers, God bound her and locked her deep into the heart of the very earth she had ruled and protected for so long. Using the life and power of her own creation, Leviathan, God locked her away beneath the sixty six seals held inside the very soul of Leviathan and his twin, Behemoth. As the Elohim drug him deep beneath the waves, bound him in the deepest, darkest trenches of the earth, in silence and in cold, in darkness and despair, the thrashings of his immense body sent a tidal flood that washed over all the earth. Killing many of God’s and Ahiloban’s creations. Few remained alive to repopulate the world. It was Talis who drove the last of the chains into place, proving his loyalty once and for all to his God. (The key to Leviathan’s chains is bound to God’s life force.)
In heaven Metatron sought to gain control over the Gate between worlds, a way to free himself to travel to the other realms and to gain dominion over God. He attacked the Elohim Ezrael, killing her. As Ezrael died she fled to earth and there passed the precious Key into a mortal vessel, there to remain out of reach from Metatron who could not pass through the Gate to Earth. There the Key took on human form and through the centuries was passed, mother to child until a dark angel took the human Key and placed inside of her a child born of the Sangrael and of Darkness. She was born a ShadowGate, a creature wholly unique. In her was the power over the Gate that none, not even the Elohim Ezrael had possessed, for inside her was a human soul, inside her was the Shadow and the Light, and more she possessed the gift of freewill.
Category: Fiction, Writing Blog |
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There’s this giant elephant in the room, dark gray like a storm cloud that we’re all afraid to look at. It’s there and no, I’m not talking about the Coronavirus that has us all locked down on “voluntary” house arrest. I’m talking about the fear. The fear of an enemy none of us can see, that none of us can fight. We talk of this disease, we send warnings, we beg people to do their part to “flatten the curve” and stay the F%CK at home. But we don’t always talk about the fear we are all living in from day to day. Not the fear that we might die, that those we love might die. Not the fear of where we’re going to come up with rent money, food money. Hell, not even that strange and random fear some people have that they will run out of toilet paper. I’m talking about the fear of what happens next. The one thing we’re all afraid to admit: that we’ll never go back to normal. The fear that EVERYTHING has changed.
It has.
We want to go back to the way things were, want to visit our favorite restaurant again, want to not be afraid of strangers on the street. We want to go back to normal. But our normal is gone. Nothing will EVER be as it was. This is changing EVERYTHING. And it should. We’ve lived too long ignoring our connection to each other, our connection to this planet. We can’t deny that anymore. All of us, everything human on this planet, is connected through this single fear. We aren’t alone in this and we aren’t alone in facing what’s coming next. We’ve seen some amazing things these past few weeks. We’ve seen heroes and we’ve seen some really disgusting lows in human behavior. More we’ve all been faced with our mortality, with how fragile our lives and society really are. Do you really think you can just go back to work, back to life as if nothing happened? All of us are being affected by this, all of us are being CHANGED by this. It’s my hope that it’s a change for the better.
I don’t know how it’s going to change. I can’t see the future, but one thing I know is our government is going to change, our laws, how we handle crisis, is going to change. Financially many of us will be crippled, but more as a nation we’ve been irrevocably affected and we’re all going to feel it. Nothing is ever going back to normal and I just want to tell you: That’s ok. It’s called evolution. It’s what has kept us as a species from dying out a long time ago. Growth, change, hurts. But it’s ok. Because we’re not in this alone.
